Spiritual Soulmates – Ten Tips To Making It Last!

We’ve all heard this phrase before; perhaps in a movie or book, or in a friend’s recent story about their mate, or from your own loved one, or even worse, from your own lips. Here’s how it starts:

“If you loved me you would…”

And it usually ends with a stated demand, condition or restriction on the other individual’s free will.  Due to a sense of guilt, shame, sorrow, or obligation, you may comply, sometimes to the point that you no longer feel free to pursue your own goals or desires because of their demands.  The next day, week or month, you figure turn-about is fair play, and now you’re the one making the demand.  And so on, and so on, and so on.

What many of us fail to realize is that the way we present our demands to our loved one is usually based on how we were raised ourselves, and on the behavior we observed between our parents or other individuals in our close environment.  We learn to copy this behavior, usually before we enter our first year of school. This conditioned behavior creates a whole series of walls, traps, and seemingly endless loops within our inherited ‘family maze.’

We all have a family maze – some are just more complex than others.  If we grew up in an environment of demands from our parents or siblings, by the time we are adults we become conditioned to the idea that our loved one is going to make certain demands that affect or restrict our free will.  Think about how many times have you found yourself ‘walking on eggshells’ in your relationship, thinking “uh oh, here it comes…” and then find yourself waiting for the other shoe to drop, thinking “now he/she is going to tell me what I can’t do or have to do to make him/her happy, and I know I’m not going to like it.”

The conditioning of our family maze in our current relationships can cause us to become secretive about our true feelings and desires, and this causes resentment to build, intensify and ultimately ends up leaking poison into our relationship.  The result causes the 50/50 energy exchange needed to maintain a healthy relationship to become unbalanced, creating an unhealthy dictator/catering or slave-master/slave vibration and energy pattern between the two of you.  And the dysfunction that began in your childhood between loved ones becomes a stronger, more solidified, self-fulfilling prophecy in your present and future life with your loved one.

So how do you break out of this vicious cycle?  How do you succeed in creating a relationship with a soulmate built on total honesty, mutual respect, admiration, friendship, loyalty and the truest, deepest love you’ve ever known?  Is there a way to rise above the family maze?

Here’s are some tips on how I did it, and believe me, I had nearly given up hope before I discovered and applied these ten keys to creating a healthy relationship:

1. Don’t let things fester, ever.  Whatever concern comes up inside, openly and honestly express your feelings and ask how the other person feels about it.  Listen to their answer, but don’t make any demands that they must agree with your point of view.
2. Turn off the little tape in your head that spews out negative thought patterns about your soulmate’s choices, or your own choices.  This is the confusion in your family maze talking.  When this happens, just tune-in to how YOU really feel, and remember that your true feelings are the good, kind, loving, sharing, understanding, loving part of you.  Then share your true feelings with your partner.
3. Respect each person’s unique big picture within the relationship, and give your soulmate the freedom to balance their priorities in life.
4. Establish ground rules that allow freedom of choice and preference for what each of you wants to do with your lives, and then allow each person the space and time they need to do that.  (And don’t leave yourself out!)
5. Don’t make or imply false promises just to tell your soulmate what you think they want to hear or to appease their demands.  False promises only create disappointment, build resentment, and poison the relationship.  You can agree to disagree, or table the issue until the timing is right for you or them to consider an alternative solution.
6. Don’t make any demands that may cause your soulmate to feel they must compromise or sacrifice their life purpose.
7. Develop and maintain your own friendships, interests and hobbies.  Don’t become so dependent upon your soulmate for enjoyment that you cannot enjoy life without them.  Life is short, and you don’t know how much time you will have with them this lifetime.  Make the most of it, but don’t exclude the other aspects of your life.
8. Laugh often, and laugh at yourself first.  Then be sure to share the joke with your partner so you can laugh together.  This makes sharing true love with your soulmate even more fulfilling.
9. Respect each other’s privacy as unique souls.  Just because you are soulmates doesn’t mean you have to share every single thought.  Quiet time, meditation, personal spiritual regrouping, or occasional solitude is essential to maintaining your own spiritual health, so that you can be fully present mentally, emotionally and spiritually when you are with your soulmate.
10. It is essential that you consistently invest time with your partner, every day if possible, to share what you’re learning about life, about each other, and from each other.  And remember to share at least one thing you love or appreciate about your soulmate, today and everyday!

Francisco D. Coll has created two new profiles offered through the Americana Leadership College that may help you bring your relationships into balance.  The first is the 2010A: Natures of Balance – Imposition to Freedom Profile.  This profile identifies the percentage of energy balance in your personal, business and social relationships; concepts/habits that work against you and their solutions; strengths that support your inner freedom; and keys to living and expanding your inner freedom.  The second is the 2010B: Natures of Balance – Inner Security Profile.  This profile identifies the percentage of the 50/50 balance in each of your spiritual gifts; habit patterns and solutions related to catering/dictating, slave/slavemaster concepts in each gift; and helps you discover keys to achieving greater inner security in your relationships with yourself and others.

If you would like to know more about these one-on-one profiles, contact ALC at 1-800-336-8008 or email alc@alcworld.com and ask them to put you in touch with an individual who is certified to administer these profiles.

Related posts:

1. Seven Keys to Finding Your Fountain of Youth